Professional football is entertainment.
Sometimes we forget that. We focus so much on the outcome of the contests that we overlook that one of the main reasons we watch is that it entertains us.
It’s the same way with a movie or TV show. For the amount of time we watch, we want to forget about life’s troubles and lose ourselves in what we are seeing.
Pro football would be mighty boring, I’ve always thought, without the characters who make it up. Through the years I’ve always been fans of those I term “coaching characters.” The coaches who would have been good professional wrestling managers. The ones who keep you entertained almost as much as the game on the field. With the lockout continuing and the 2011 season remaining in doubt, I offer a look at some of my favorite professional football coaching characters through the years.
•Hank Stram. The former Kansas City Chiefs coach was a character in an era when there weren’t many. I love watching the old NFL Films clips with Stram talking about “matriculating the ball” down the field and his laughing in the sidelines.
I’m not old enough to remember Stram as a coach. Even during his two-year stint with the New Orleans Saints in the second half of the 1970s, I can’t say I remember watching him coach a game.
Rather I remember Stram from being one of the top color commentators on television. I loved his work with Jack Buck, who served as play-by-play man. I actually learned something about the inner workings of offenses by listening to Stram as he would break down the opposing defenses on almost every play.
Stram’s knowledge of the game was often hidden by the character he was, but his Super Bowl title with the Chiefs showed he was also a quality coach.
•Bum Phillips. What’s not to like about a coach who would be on the sidelines with a Western style shirt, cowboy boots and blue jeans? A headset for Phillips? No way. That would get in the way of his 10-gallon cowboy hat.
Phillips, who led the Houston Oilers to prominence in the late 1970s, had many memorable quotes including, “That’s three holding calls on one team in a quarter and a half...That ain’t funny.”
Phillips once told announcer Bob Costas that he always took his wife with him on road games because “she was too ugly to kiss goodbye.”
Similar to Stram, Phillips was a quality coach outside of his character. His Oilers knocked on the door of the Super Bowl twice but fell to the Pittsburgh Steelers in the AFC title game in 1978 and 1979. The second game featured one of the worst blown calls which went against the Oilers and helped send the Steelers back to the Super Bowl.
•Mike Ditka. Always reserved when he was an assistant for the Dallas Cowboys, Ditka came into his own when he took over the Chicago Bears.
Of course, it would take a character of a head coach to lead the characters on the Bears teams of the 1980s from Jim McMahon to William “The Refrigerator” Perry to Mike Singletary.
Ditka was a favorite of sports writers ironically enough because he would often get into confrontations with them. Sports writers love a good quote machine and Ditka certainly filled the bill. His 1985 Bears team was one of the most dominant in NFL history destroying the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl. Ditka was another example of a coaching character who could actually coach.
•Jerry Glanville. Probably my favorite coaching character, mainly because of his ties with the Atlanta Falcons. As the defensive coordinator of the team from 1977-1982, Glanville created the Gritz Blitz, years before Buddy Ryan used a similar scheme with the Chicago Bears.
Glanville would return as head coach in 1990 complete with an all-black color dress scheme, cowboy boots, big belt buckle and black Wrangler jeans. His constant arguing with officials, both as head coach of the Houston Oilers and the Atlanta Falcons, made him one of the top personalities to roam an NFL sideline. Like the others mentioned, Glanville could coach a little football as well. The 1977 Falcons set a record for fewest points allowed in a 14-game regular season. Glanville took the Oilers to the playoffs three consecutive years from 1987-1989 and also guided the Falcons to the postseason in 1991. That season saw Atlanta advance to the division round.
The Man in Black is now lending his character to the United Football League, which is entering its third season and is not involved in a lockout.
Other coaching character favorites include: Buddy Ryan, Rex Ryan, Jimmy “Get That Camera Outta My Face!” Johnson, John Madden, Jim “Playoffs?”
Mora and Vince “What The Hell’s Going On Around Here?” Lombardi.
Chris Bridges is sports editor of the Barrow Journal. You can reach him at cbridges@barrowjournal.com.
